End of the story

Finally... it's over!

There's not a lot to say, but if we tried to hold on with it, it would've been worse

We tried to kind of look forward to return somewhere in time, but soon doesn't look like the right moment.

I'm not even in the mood of writting at all... just wanted to complete the blog in case someone gets to read this...

Confusioooooooon!¡!¡!¡!¡!¡!

Las cosas siguen siendo extrañas...

Lo vi el jueves, me acompañó a hacer unas cuantas cosas, y cuando llegó la hora de la despedida nos quedamos en el coche más de una hora, hablando de cosas sin sentido, mirándonos, jugando, tantas cosas que me dieron a entender que aun había algo.

Sus ojos como siempre me regalaban esa mirada tierna, pero en ocasiones me hacían mil preguntas que no era mi deber contestar. Ya era algo tarde y me tenía que ir, pero el simplemente no me dejaba; fue entonces cuando en parte de broma pero en parte algo de verdad comenzé a cantar una canción llamada "Gotta go my own way" de una película que el también conocía donde el momento que describe es muy triste:

"Troy... Listen...

I gotta say what's on my mind

Something about us, doesn't seem right... these days.

Life keeps getting in the way.

Whenever we try, somehow the plan is always rearranged.

It's so hard to say,but I gotta do what's best for me.

You'll be okay...

I've got to move on, and be who I am.

I just don't belong here,I hope you understand.

We might find a place in this world someday,

but at least for now, I gotta go my own way."

Esto fue lo que alcanzé a cantar antes de que sus lágrimas me detuvieran y él mismo dijera "basta". Me preguntó que si lo que le estaba intentando decir era que eso era el fin y que ya nunca ibamos a volver. Yo por supuesto lo intenté consolar diciéndole que sólo era una canción y que me tenía que ir en ese momento porque ya era tarde.

Y después de reflexionarlo unos momentos le dije que la canción quizá también podía quedar en el otro sentido. Su lágrimas fueron aun más, lo abracé y le dije que todo iba a estar bien, que pasara lo que pasara iba a ser lo mejor para los dos y que si nuestras vidas estaban destinadas a estar juntas por siempre nos encontraríamos en algún futuro.

Le dije que de todo corazón le deseaba mucha suerte y mucho éxito pasara lo que pasara, pero no podía dejar de ver en sus ojos amor y dudas.

Cuando llegué a mi casa pensé que si aun había amor, no había mucho de qué preocuparse, pero a veces las conversaciones on-line son confusas, muy confusas y por este tipo de cosas estoy como estoy, en medio del espacio sin saber a qué polo debo irme acercando, o más bien de cuál me tengo que alejar.

Ayer, viernes, no nos vimos y hablamos muy poco, el tenía sus compromisos de la escuela e iba a llegar tarde de regreso; entonces decidí ir a un bar con unas amigas de la universidad. Era un bar que no está a más de 10 minutos de mi casa, es algo nuevo, tranquilo, con música de un poco de todo. Bebimos un poco y bailamos y bailamos, pero no dejaba de pensar en el; inclusive, no se si bueno o malo, le mande dos mensajes.

Llegué a mi casa temprano, antes de media noche, cansada de bailar y cansada de pensar. Hablamos poco antes de dormir y ese fue el fin del día.

Hoy parece que tampoco nos vamos a ver, está en casa de uno de sus amigos jugando no sé qué y yo tengo un compromiso familiar más en la noche. Le pregunté si nos veríamos y con singular alegría me dijo "no creo, esto va para largo, mejor mañana".

Antes no era así, antes me hubiera dicho "hablamos al ratito" o "vente un rato tu también" pero esta vez fue un rotundo NO.

No sé qué está pasando, por un lado me dice que no puede verme y no darme besos (porque no lo deje darme ni uno solo), pero por otro me da a entender que no quiere verme.

Una muy buena amiga ya más grande ella, me dijo que si estoy segura de que yo quiero que regresemos "me muera en la raya" que después no me quede duda de qué hubiera pasado si hubiera hecho un poco más; y creo que esto es lo que haré, aunque duele cuando sabes que no es seguro tenerlo de vuelta.

COME WHAT MAY...

As I wrote before, I've had better days...

It's been lately a difficult time, but it's also been a time where I can say I feel kind of renewed. Strange things are happening, things I thought were taking more time happened all of a sudden. Call it destiny or not, but they appeared at the same time in the moment I needed them the most to do.

What about love? How do you stop feeling it from one day to another? Well, this is what happened to me; well not really to me, but to my significant other. We were almost getting to the two years of relationship and all of a sudden he told me he didn't feel the same. I came into a kind of crisis because I wasn't expecting something like that, I thought we were cool and everyday we were growing stronger, sadly it wasn't that way.

It was difficult to find a solution, since I asked him what was going wrong, but he didn't even know. He said he adored me, he said he cared, but he didn't felt the same as before when he said "i love you", that it was like a thing of everyday, it was like talking non sense.

The first thing that came to my mind was "he needs time" and I proposed him not to see us nor talk to each other in one week, but the next day he told me had had already made up his mind.

Next day we were at a coffee talking all this things out; he said he thought breaking for a while was the solution, he didn't want to lose me, but he didn't want to continue with this, he needed more time to face things, including his mind on his own. The plan was we were going to date as if we were at the very beginning of everything. Still not a couple officialy but dating.

Sounds weird right? Well, but I thought this was the best to choose in the inmensity of possibilities that scared me so damn much. This was the only chance to get his love back, if it's possible somewhere in time.

It was hard, but I had to put up some "standards" in order for this to work; in first place I told him I wasn't wearing the ring he gave me (as a symbol of a promise of forever), next he wouldn't be able to hug me, nor take my hand or either kissing my lips and the most important, we had to stablish a limited time to take a decision, which is in two months from now.

He accepted all of the above though he admitted this was going to be very very tough. It was for me too, the hardest part was when we finally said goodbye, it was a weird feeling of wanting to leave but yet stay there forever, a feeling of missing something somehow not gone at all, also a feeling of being capable of doing nothing about it, not being capable to return time or to forget everything and continue as if nothing happened ever.

I cried, a lot, and I think this was very sane; it helped me clear my mind and figure out many things such as the feeling that I had been a pretty good girlfriend, I think I never failed in a drastic way or anything like that. With this, I also thought there's nothing left for me to do, because in first palce, I'm not pleading, because I've never been that way and I'll never be, and in second one, it's going to be his decision because he's the one who's doubting, not me, I have everything clear; I love him, and I'm sure that I could live the rest of my life with him by my side, but if he isn't, if his heart's not in it for real, I can do nothing about it.

And finally I'm nobody to ask for things that aren't in my hands, Allmighty is the only one who can tell what's going to be the best for me, for him, and for us.

So, I can tell right now I'm "ok" after all, sad but yet not fallen to pieces; and I'll leave this hard decision in His hands, it'll be His decision and...

COME WHAT MAY

Such is life...

Suddenly, when I was just telling my life off to a very good friend of mine, she had this weird flashbackabout something we had a couple of years ago; it was a funny blog about Pooky and some adventures and she messaged the link for me to remember what we were up to those years.

God! It was very funny, it made me return to those good years, but I also found out that my own blog still remained somewhere in the internet, and with just a click I could see what I had written about 4 years ago. It was weird, I found that I was just a little teenager which had no idea of oh so many things. Even my way of writting was, I have to admitt, awful.

And now, here I am, blogging again.

The last two days haven't really been the best I've lived, but such is life... and maybe this is why I've just created this brand new account.

It's too bad now is kind of late because I have so many things to write, but tomorrow I have to go to school so I'll go for now, but I hope I get back to the blogging hobby at least weekly.

By the way, I know maybe my english isn't the best for now, but I hope practicing in this way improves it (at least a little)

Good to be back.

Better to be older.

Best to have so many things to say.